Change can be good....but it isn't always easy...

Last week I went to the Lost River Market for my weekly grocery shopping.  All the employees greeted me by my name.  I even knew most of the other people shopping at the time.  A few days later the kids and I went to a nearby park to enjoy the beautiful weather.  We were with friends.  We waved to people in the community we knew.  On the way home I had very clear flashbacks to almost two years ago.  Two years ago in May, we drove to Paoli for the first time.  It was all new.  It was all different.  It was a place we were visiting.  It was not "home". 

Two years ago in May when we visited for the first we went to the same Lost River Market for lunch, but we didn't know anyone.  The employees knew we were new and visitors.  Who are these people? Where have they come from?  A man even came and sat down with us and asked why we were moving to Paoli.  I will never forget his words.  "people your age don't just move to Paoli.  I need to know why you are moving here.".  After lunch Todd went to meet with the principal, so the kids and I went to the the nearby park to play.  I remember the feelings of.....I can't believe this is actually happening.  we are really moving here?  I don't know a single person.  I wonder what it will be like to live here?  and the list could go on.  It has been a slow process, but for the first time the other day I had a realization.  This place that seemed so new and different two years ago is now my "home".  For the most part it is all our kids know.  We are now apart of this community.  We know lots of people here.  We have new friends.  We have a church community. We don't see resturants or malls on a regular basis. It isn't odd to see hilly windy roads.  Instead it is normal to see Amish buggy's on the road.  It is part of our routine to visit our favorite Amish families.  They invite us into there homes.  I now do most of my shopping online.  This list could go on as well.  You get the point.  We are now citizens in a small rural community.  gasp.  It is very different from my first 28 years living on the east side of Indianapolis.

A few weeks ago while driving to the bank to close on the house I felt like I was in a foreign place again.  I had to hold in the tears.  Closing on a house would make it official that this was our new home and new normal.  But inside I didn't feel like this was "home".  I didn't want to close on a house here.  In the middle of the closing I had to go get something out of the car and I couldn't hold in the tears any longer.  When I got to my van I sat and cried.  okay balled.  and screamed a few times. Then I regrouped and went back inside to finish closing on our house.  I just had to get the emotions out that I had been holding in.  As much as I like it here and it is now our "home", it still really isn't "home".

  Unless you have moved from the city to a small rural community it is probably hard to relate.  But, the differences are so many.  Especially if you add moving away from family.  There are so many pros and cons to both. For our current stage of life with 3 little kids it is much easier living here.  Things are much simpler.  It is a great place to raise small children. They love the country feel of life.  We love having a big yard surrounded by fields  We have met so many people that are so giving and kind.  True southern hospitality at it's finest.  Several people have gone above and beyond to welcome us in like family. We feel so blessed to have met such wonderful people.  Our kids even have a couple Paoli grandparents here.  They are spoiled!  Even though we know without a doubt we are suppose to be here, change is hard.  The reality has set it.  I am homesick.  My heart aches to be back near the city.  One thing I have learned is that I am a true city girl at heart.  I loved where I grew up.  It was a perfect mix.  In a suburb that has a country feel, but yet close to city life.  We miss having our family nearby and living life with our friends we moved away from.  Many of those friends we have known since childhood.  I could have never guessed 2 years ago that I would be living in Southern Indiana.  I have no idea what our future holds.  Even though it hasn't been easy I am so thankful for the opportunity to live in a rural area.  It is a perfect small community that has welcomed us in.  Our kids love it.  It has opened my eyes that there is more then corn in Indiana.  ;)  Sometimes we can get caught up in our little lives and forget how much bigger this world really is.  I am so sad that I haven't documented these two years very well.  I hope to post some pictures soon.  Especially our new house, which I LOVE and our growing kids.  I can't believe I only have pictures of Emery when she was a newborn.  She is so sweet and 9 months old already!  She just started crawling....well army crawling.  But she really gets around.  She is just so sweet and we are starting to see her little personality shine through.  Elias and Adeline are loving life and so excited that warm weather is on the way!  I am just as excited!  We are trying to get our grass growing because the muddy yard is getting old.  ; )   

To keep my mind off of being homesick I have turned to a creative outlet~photography.  I have been learning as much I can especially in the area of newborn portraiture!  I have been reading books and online soaking up as much information as I can.  My mom said I have never enjoyed learning, so she thinks this is great!  It is also a hobby gone wild.  I now have a little newborn photography business.  It has been so fun!  It may take a few years to break even from all my expenses....but as Todd told me in the beginning if I never break even or make money it doesn't matter.  I am having fun.  I have such a wonderful husband.  :)  More to come later!  :)